One more reason to love batteries and hate oil

For too long Mr. Scale has been saying to me, "STEP OFF, bitch! Yeah, I'm talkin' to YOU! Why do you keep coming 'round here looking for something you KNOW you won't find? To quote Albert Einstein (or maybe it is Benjamin Franklin, or Rita Mae Brown, or a Chinese proverb...what do I know, I am a SCALE?), 'The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.'"

But AHA! I have discovered how to make Mr. Scale do my bidding. The other day I tapped it with my foot, waited for the tare function to do it's zero thing, and then stepped on.

It was so lovely. My scale told me, in no uncertain terms, "TOO LOW."

It's been many years since those words have been applied to my weight. I am TOO LOW!!! And I have been every morning since.

I *knew* my clothes were shrinking. Just knew it. My wedding rings being too tight for comfort? Clearly a function of solar flares or some other phenomenon causing them to decrease in diameter.

I really don't want to change that particular battery any time soon.


  1. I am cracking up...Step off Bitch! oh my gawd, you're hilarious!

  2. I have the word "Liar" written on my scale.

    Kicking works wonders...

  3. Ha ha ha!

    Are you still going to do the 1/2 marathon?

  4. Sheri8:22 PM

    I'm having a great time reading your posts! And don't even get me started about that dang scale. Especially the digital ones, They leave very little room for misinterpretation!


  5. Sheri8:26 PM

    FYI that last comment was from Sheri at www.myminivanisfasterthanyours.com in case that wasn't clear. This is the first time I've left a comment and clearly I'm a rookie :)

  6. PDX Mama ~ Sadly, it isn't looking like the half is in my future. It bums me out; I remember how much fun it was crossing that finish line. But the knee that first acted up at that race is now bugging me again, and I'd rather plod along like I am than be out of commission after a race.

    Blech. Anyone want my spot?

    Sheri ~ WELCOME!!!

  7. I love that, wanna trade for the batteries in my scale? They work just fine sadly. Of course I further torture myself by having an old dial scale right next to the digital scale so I can see how much I weigh on both scales. Sometimes I don't want to be bothered with the extra body fat percentage info the digital scale gives me though so I skip it.


Brilliant observations: