Thanks to gross Karate floor mats, last December my son had a lovely wart on the bottom of his foot. After the easy remedies didn't work, we pulled out the big guns and went to a podiatrist for an application of the miraculous Blister Beetle juice. The Blister Beetle secrets juice that causes blisters when it comes in contact with skin (how fortunate it's called that, huh?).
The podiatrist also happens to be a friend of ours; this was our first visit to her office and the kids were having a great time chatting with her in her white lab coat just like they did in everyday life. The three of us left the exam room all happy and giggly.
Upon returning to the lobby, we were greeted with a big old man who looked just like Santa Claus. He was an elderly guy with a bushy white beard, long silvery hair, red suspenders over a plaid flannel shirt, and big black boots. Being the holiday season, and as we 'do the Santa thing' here, my kids were enthralled, especially my little girl. She was young enough to think that maybe, just maybe, this was the real Santa. The guy was working in, too. He asked her if she'd been a good girl this year, what she wanted for Christmas, where she thought Rudolf was (one the roof, of course!). He was charming and I was all in the holiday spirit; I was as into it as my kids were. My daughter talked about it for days, telling all she met how SHE MET SANTA AT THE DOCTORS!
If you're a regular reader, you know we're moving. Not far away, but to a different neighborhood in the same town. Being a rather paranoid mama (not to mention one who spends too much time online) one afternoon not too long ago I went to California's Megan's Law website to check out our new hood.
Podiatry Lobby Santa was on there. For LEWD OR LASCIVIOUS ACTS WITH CHILD UNDER 14 YEARS. That guy was intentionally dressed like Santa to lure kids. He looked at my children. He talked to them. And I, all bubbly and sparkly, called him Santa and played along.
My friend's old neighbor is on that website; he was eighteen and having sex with his girlfriend who was seventeen (or was it seventeen and sixteen). He forever has to carry that around with him, explain it to new neighbors, etc. That would suck and I do feel bad for the guy; yet I wouldn't let my kids play with his kids, even though when I was seventeen I had sex with my eighteen year old boyfriend. Hypocritical, yes. Mamabearish, yes. I will do whatever it takes, however paranoid,to keep my kids safe.
This flipping Santa dude came out of the woodwork. He looked so harmless (and isn't that what I've tried to teach my kids...bad guys can look good)! Frankly, it wouldn't bother me ONE LITTLE BIT if that Blister Beetle juice was used on whatever body part of his was necessary to make sure he didn't harm another child.