Things for which I'd like to get paid

1.) Voicing my unsolicited opinion, at any time. Like, maybe I'm walking Cutest Puppy Ever and I see someone who would look better if they were about seven to ten years younger. I could say, "Hi. You'd look better if you lost seven to ten years off of your age." Then I'd send them a bill for my consultation fee. Cha-Ching!

2.) I would also like to get paid for my opinion when it IS solicited; I would adjust my fee rates accordingly.

3.) I would like to get paid for my acting skills when I have to listen to someone else drone on endlessly about themselves without giving me a chance to talk about moi. I usually stifle my yawns and try not to allow my gaze to wander more than once every fifteen seconds (aka four times per minute). I've spent hours staring in the mirror perfecting this skill, and a little remunerating would be GREAT!

4.) Another thing I'd like to get paid for is my General Grooviness. I usually bring it with me wherever I go and frankly I am SICK of sharing it without compensation.

5.) I wish people would pony up when I admit my flaws in the ever most humble way I do.

6.) I'd also like it if people would pay me to have the fat on my torse lipo'd off. See, they wouldn't have to listen to me complain about it anymore so it's a win-win!

7.) Twittering.


  1. When you do figure out how to get paid for such talents, please share with the rest of us :)

  2. You so deserve it and it would be worth every penny and then you could franchise it and I would like to be your first franchise and I would send you 4% of my earnings as well and on and on and on and next thing you know you rule the world (and it is a MUCH better place because of all the advice you doled out for the good of all mankind). You so deserve it.

  3. Oh yeas, and I would like to get paid for eating chocolate and drinking coffee.

  4. I am such a sucky Twitterer.


  5. Anonymous11:39 AM

    FYI, renumeration means to recount something. I think you mean remuneration...to be paid.

  6. Duly noted...I suck at spelling. I wish I could get paid every time I misspelled something.

  7. would the world be a better place if more people listened to us!!?? geesh!

    ps - I've got some backgrounds I want to email you to look at for your banner


Brilliant observations: