At one point I was
It's Thursday night in a college town, nothing odd about someone grabbing some Jäger...what was impressive is that he just stroooooooooooode on while fluidly whipping a bottle from the shelf without disturbing its neighbors.
A minute or so later I met back up with my mom and daughter, and suddenly there was that Smooth Dude walking past us. Chattin' on his cell phone and walking towards the exit. Still sailing smoothly, but his gait was also somewhat less...effortless.
And the Jäger bottle? Nowhere to be seen.
I stopped and watched him and Smooth Dude just continued sailing right out the door. Buh-bye, SD. Buh-bye, bottle of Jäger.
I said to my mom, before SD was out the door, "He is stealing a bottle of Jäger." I thought about running after him. I thought about contacting a Sales Associate. As I stood there I thought a lot of things in a millisecond.
But, you know what? I didn't know for sure he stole anything. For all I know, he's a David Blaine in training and one of his skills is Being Smooth and Non-Bottle Moving Whilst Drifting Through Grocery Store Aisles.
Or maybe he realized he didn't have the cash and randomly dropped the Jäger off somewhere.
Perhaps the person he was talking to on the phone had just told him, "Smooth Dude, my roommate just totally bought some Jäger. No worries. Time to party on and you don't need to buy any Jäger (because in my head Smooth Dudes and friends all talk like characters from Wayne's World)(Party ON!) !"
It could be that elves scurried out from the dairy section and stole the bottle from him and threatened him with a fortnight of bad luck if he didn't vamoose immediately.
Who knows what really happened. It just seemed pretty certain to me that I'd just witnessed a theft.
I looked at my daughter (who had, by the way, been a very reluctant shopper this entire expedition).
I looked at my mom (who probably, by the way, thought I was being a very reluctant shopper this entire expedition).
I thought about what it would entail to chase SD down, accuse him, call the cops, who knows what. Yowsa, but I just thought, "Forget it. It's not worth it if I'm wrong."
Honestly, part of me thought it wouldn't be worth it if I was right. I know that was lame and weak of me, because morally and socially and economically and theoretically and realistically and fiscally and...deep breath...legally it's just wrong to steal. But when I thought of the flipping hoops I'd have to go through, and what if I were wrong (but I know I wasn't)? Forget it.
It didn't seem worth it.
Was I wrong?
What would you have done?