On my destructive, co-dependant relationship with Sallie Mae. Alternate title: student loans suck.

Dear Sallie Mae,

Remember how we met? Our mutual friend Financial Aid Office introduced us. She thought we'd get along famously, and even mentioned something about how we'd complement each other's strengths and weaknesses.

Financial Aid Office was right; I took to you right away...your easy-going nature was engaging and you were a blessing during a time of need for me. The fact that you were, literally, the only fish in the sea didn't factor in at all. Honestly. I liked you for YOU.

I think you liked me, too (glad you can't see me know, because I'm blushing).

When we decided to go ahead and tie the Loan Consolidation Knot, I did so with enthusiasm and optimism. Financial Aid Office officiated...how COOL was that to have the person who introduced us be the one to do the honors? That will always be a special moment for me. For us.

Oh, Sallie Mae. At what point did things start to sour for us? Was there any way around it? Could this situation have been prevented? I wrack my brains at night, going over and over our relationship...my stomach in knots, tears staining my pillow. It's all so sordid, so...insurmountable.

In retrospect, we never should have consolidated. I'm sorry if it hurts to hear that, but it's the truth.

Forever is a looooong time, and your 8% interest is just...ugh. I mean, really? Eight percent? Never to be renegotiated? I know, I know. I was complicit. I signed onto this relationship. But, Sallie, hon...remember. I was young. I thought I knew what I was doing. But the fact is, I didn't even know what compounding interest MEANT. Not really, not all of the ramifications. Not in my heart of hearts.

I mean, I had no idea that my student loans of well over 100K could double in just over a decade under certain circumstances. And they have, Sallie. They have.

It's not you. It's me. Well, actually...it kinda IS you.

You won't go to therapy with me. I'd be thrilled if we could find some satisfactory solution to this impasse. I am not one to shirk obligations, and I want to honor my bond to you. But I simply can't afford the minimum monthly payment on ANY of your plans. I just don't have a grand or two laying around at the end of the month. BELIEVE me, I wish I did. But we've had some major financial set-backs over the years. You know that...I've told you time and time again. So I have to keep deferring, which means more of that compounding interest, and up and up that principle goes.

And you won't let me break our ties. I'm stuck with you. I know, that stings. But it's true. You've dug in your heals with this 8% thing, but you won't let me go to someone with lesser rates. You're so obstinate! I know, you have every reason to be so. If I am not up to keeping my obligations to you, your buddy The Federal Government will pay them.

Nice. You've got YOUR back-up plan, but I'm not allowed to have a little somethin' somethin' on the side. You've managed to have your cake and eat it, too.

Where do we go from here, Sallie? I just don't know.

Sincerely yours (literally),

Christine

PS: I always picture you wearing gingham. You know, because of your name. Do you ever hang out with the Wendy's girl? She seems nice.