Like you haven't thought the same thing. Oh, you haven't? *Ahem*

I was sitting in my family room today, and this little bug flew past me. I don't know what kind of creature it was, just that it wasn't a fly nor a mosquito, so it was cool with me.

It buzzed around the room a bit, as if checking out the piano and bookshelf and sofa and walls. Then, seemingly bored, it made a beeline (HA! But it wasn't a bee!) out of the room. It proceeded to go through a doorway, and purposefully made an abrupt right turn to go down a hallway. It went right down the center of the hall, and deftly turned the corner at the next jog.

That buggie knew the floorplan of my house! My jaw dropped and I thought, "Wow, how fucking cute that the little bug totally knows where it's going!"

So, this is the type of gripping news you've been missing due to my blogging sabbatical. Stay tuned for more!

David Mamet, David Schmamet.

FADE IN:

INT. CHRISTINE'S HOUSE DAY

Christine has a few posts in draft (that will likely never be seen) about the weekend. They are all brilliant and erudite. Really, stuff David Mamet would drool over.

But, right now, she wants to dig deep into her mommyblogger self and talk about what really matters to her at this point in time.

Today, she went to Target. As she made her way to to the kiddie clothes section, she saw an Isaac Mizrahi top that was pretty ding-dang cute!

CHRISTINE

(to self)

Where the hell is that toy dep...

CHRISTINE INTERRUPTING CHRISTINE

(to self)

Dang that top is cute!

CHRISTINE
(to self)

No, not here to buy clothes for me.

CHRISTINE INTERRUPTING CHRISTINE

(to self...you get it now)

A *quick* zip into the fitting room won't hurt anyone!

Christine grabs her normal size, slips into the fitting
room.

INT. FITTING ROOM WITH HARSH FLORESCENT LIGHTING DAY

CHRISTINE
(looking in the mirror...still to self)

Uhhh, no!

CHRISTINE INTERRUPTING CHRISTINE

I could deal with going from S to M. But this, this is *too much*...

CHRISTINE

Yes, this is insane. This must be dealt with. This cannot go on, cannot be allowed to continue. This...

CHRISTINE INTERRUPTING CHRISTINE

Oh, and you think this time is going to be any different than the last dozen times you've tried to deal with the weight gain?

CHRISTINE

"Different"? Yes. This time will be 'different'!

CHRISTINE INTERRUPTING CHRISTINE

(doubtful)

Oh, really? Why?

CHRISTINE

This time BlogHer is less than a month away. I can't have this fat face all over the interwebs...

CHRISTINE INTERRUPTING CHRISTINE

Sssshhh...you know better than to indulge in that negative speak. You're beautiful just the way you are!

Christine struggles as she pulls on her own sweatpants.