Breakfast. It's not for breakfast anymore.

I am having a very hard time with breakfast these days.

First off, I pretty much hate sweet foods (before you start chucking things at your monitor, rest assured...I more than make up for the calorie deficit that occurs because I can easily pass up a chocolate mousse by eating FAR more than my fair share of pizza).

For whatever reason, breakfast foods seem to be loaded with sweetness. From cereals to pancakes to french toast to...well, you get it.

Ah! But Christine! How about the savory delights of quiche? And toast dripping with butter? Or a bagel slathered in cream cheese?

Sigh, yes. That is what I prefer for breaking my fast in the morning after a cup or three of java (the first of which my husband brings to me while I am still in bed)(~ducking again~).

Sadly, I have gone wheat-free.

But why, Christine? Why? Are you un-American? Are you against those golden waves of grain?

Wow. That's stretching it a bit. Let's get back on topic, 'kay? My eliminating wheat stems from an odd confluence of events, and quite honestly it's not a very interesting story. Suffice it to say that I realized that it might be a good idea to eliminate wheat.

I tried it.

It was good.

So while this not eating wheat is making all meals tough, breakfast is the hardest hit. I feel like I'm on a no-carb diet every morning...my go-to meal is a scrambled egg conglomeration of whatever we have on hand. It usually consists of eggs (derrrr), cheese, and perhaps spinach or red bell peppers. Deeeelish!

But not so delish day after day after day after day after day after day after day after day after day after day after day after day after FREAKING day...

The other snag is that I am super lazy in the mornings. I have never woken up fast, nor easily (see above, how hubby has to bribe me to wake up with coffee delivered bedside). What this means is, if my husband isn't making me some egg concoction, in all likelihood I'll just scrape together something, like rye crackers and cream cheese. Or a pre-hardboiled egg. Or a handful of lunch meat (EWWW!).

So, I beg you...help me. Do you have any suggestions as to what I can eat for breakfast? Something savory, not sweet. Easy to prepare in advance that is also wheat free?

If you are a lurker and have an idea, please de-lurke. I need some serious help here in the Non-Sweet, Non-Wheat Recipes for Breakfast Department.

Our house, in the middle of the street

I'm feeling...unsettled. Literally, without a settle. Our home is sold, all contingencies lifted, and we close escrow on November 14th...four weeks from yesterday. For one dollar less than a cool million. Thank all that is good for that.

What's causing me to stress eat (dang but I wish I wasn't one of those people who eat when stressing) is that WE DON'T HAVE A PLACE TO RENT YET. The place we had planned on renting, the home of a friend, is now on the market...so, no renting there.

Our credit sucks. We might as well have declared bankruptcy, it's that bad. Don't ever get behind on your mortgage payment, especially not more than once (that's my first advice to you).

We have pets; three cats and the Cutest Puppy Ever. All indoor, all litter and house trained...we don't like living with pee all around any more than the next person. Buuuuuuuuuuuuuut...most renters don't like the idea of some scummy person with crap (well, someday we aspire to crap) credit and a zoo renting their pristine home.

We've been turned down multiple times...once for the credit, the rest for the animals. We have one place we are seriously considering, but frankly they want 5K for a security deposit and an exorbitant rent and while we're ready to do it, we'd like to find something more reasonable.

There were, literally, a few hours over the weekend when I started to formulate back up plans in case we didn't find a place to live. Here is a sampling:

1.) Move in with my Mom; she has a two bedroom condo so that would be plenty of room (my mom is sweating just reading that).

2.) Rent a storage unit, put all of our belongings in it, and live in the minivan. My husband's car would be like a second home! We could vacation there!

3.) Shave the animals and pretend that they are quadruplets.

4.) Arrange some sort of a bloggy challenge/giveaway/contest and the winner gets the eight of us as PERMANENT HOUSEGUESTS (my second advice to you is do not enter that challenge/giveaway/contest)!

5.) Just keep on keepin' on, and trust that it will all work out.

I'm going with number five. Pollyanna, that shall be my nickname.

What you would probably hear if you spent 24 hours in my home

"Have you lint-rolled the finger puppets?"

"NO HORSES on the trampoline!"

" 'Out of Area'...eat malaria."

"Hola! I'm Dora! Do you know my family and friends?"

"What do you want to do for dinner? I dunno, what do you want to do? I don't care. I don't either." (yes, ONE person generally recites in its entirety every evening)

"Does this help you poop, Mama?"

"What happened to the cat yack?"

"The dog ate it."

"Freak."

"Insert Simpsons/Family Guy/Greg the Bunny reference here."

"Watch me! No, watch me!"

Sarcastic apples

"Mom, can you get some medicine for Daddy? He has a headache."

"Where?"

".........uh, his HEAD!"

My boy has a firm grasp on the sarcastic.

I walk into the other room and ask my husband what kind of a headache it is that he has (I am so nurturing!). "Behind my right eyeball," he answers.

"Does it hurt when you move your eyes?"

"No."

"Oh, I had one earlier in the week behind my left eye that hurt when I moved my eyeball around."

Never one to pass up on an opportunity to make me the butt of a joke, he says, "It's always about YOU, isn't it? We're talking about me and MY eyeballs here. Why do you ALWAYS have to turn the conversation back around to youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu?"

"Yes. Yes, I do that often, don't I? I DO tend to bring the conversation around to myself often. I wonder why that is? What do you think?"

FBNOML says, "Well done, Mom. Nicely played."

Thankyouthankyouverymuch.

Things I learned on my summer vacation

Well, rather, our long weekend in Napa:

1.) After my initial disappointment when my husband told me our laptop wouldn't work with the hotel's internet system, I actually enjoyed the break. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, after all (or is it, "Out of sight, out of mind?").

2.) You can, in fact, pay $20 for a mediocre GLASS of Cabernet Sauvignon.

3.) My kids still want to watch TV at hotels.

4.) 50% of the people in our family have been known to pee in public pools.

5.) Just because you're "on vacation" doesn't mean it's all fun. Well, I already knew that, but my son figured it out this trip.

6.) When lounging poolside, I would much rather eavesdrop on the conversations of strangers than read the book I am holding in front of my face.

7.) If you go to a hotel bar without your wedding ring on (it's faster and cheaper than calling for room service), gross people will talk to you.

8.) I can make it all the way back to our home from Napa with the gas gauge warning light on the entire time. I hate pumping gas.

9.) I don't check my cell phone's voice mail nearly enough.

10.) There's no place like home.

No horses were harmed in making this post

"Hey Mom! Look at what I can do! It's so cool!"

My daughter proceeds to wipe her nose on the palm of her hand, slap said palm down onto one of the playing cards spread out in front of us, and then waves at me like a prom queen on a parade float, "My boogers are glue!"

"Hmmmmmm..." is all I can come up with, because I am trying not to laugh.

"What did she say?" my son asks as he sits down to join the game.

"You don't want to know, honey."

Apples, trees, whatnot

"Mama, remember you said I could get a lollipop today?"

"Okay, we'll stop on the way home and get you a lollipop."

"But I don't meant the big food store, I mean the one with chips. We went there and cleaned our car, and I went there with Daddy and we cleaned the car. Not the big store. Not the big store! NOT THE BIG STORE!!!"

Eventually I realized she meant the mini-mart at our local gas station. My girl was crying to hit THE MINI MART AT OUR GAS STATION to get her lollipop fix. She's only been there the two times, but I guess it made an impression.

Oy. What have we done?

I'm not proud of this, but feel the need to confess that

right now there are three spots in my house of which I am aware that have cat yack, and I am seriously considering leaving them there and hoping that either some other human member of this household cleans it up, or one of the animal residents eats it.

green stuff + oozing + eye = gross

My three year old daughter and I have pink eye. She started dripping gunk from her eye early Friday, beating me by a few hours. It was one of those special moments only a parent can appreciate...the first time your child acquires a new skill before you do. They should make cards.

Also, it is quite the challenge, getting a three year old to allow you to approach her eyeballs with a plastic pointy applicator while you beg her not to close her eyes while warning that yes in fact, you are going to squirt cold liquid into them. Fun, fun times.