If you were a fly on the wall in our house...

...you'd likely hear something along these lines:

Me: Hey, do we have any Diet Coke?

Hubby: Nope!

Me: (bats eyelashes in an exaggerated manner)

Hubby: Fine! (grabs car keys and heads to store)

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Hubby: Hon, this cheesecake is delicious.

It's dense, but not too rich.

Me: Hmmmm, kinda like you.

Hubby: (beat) Good one!

Me: I aim to please.


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Hubby: Have I seen the staple gun recently?

Me: I have no idea, I still don't have access to your retinas. (taps foot)

Hubby: Oh, yeah...I'll work on that.

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Me: Why did I ever marry you, you prick?***

***Okay, I didn't say that one. In fact, my husband suggested I include it here.

Sarcastic apples

"Mom, can you get some medicine for Daddy? He has a headache."

"Where?"

".........uh, his HEAD!"

My boy has a firm grasp on the sarcastic.

I walk into the other room and ask my husband what kind of a headache it is that he has (I am so nurturing!). "Behind my right eyeball," he answers.

"Does it hurt when you move your eyes?"

"No."

"Oh, I had one earlier in the week behind my left eye that hurt when I moved my eyeball around."

Never one to pass up on an opportunity to make me the butt of a joke, he says, "It's always about YOU, isn't it? We're talking about me and MY eyeballs here. Why do you ALWAYS have to turn the conversation back around to youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu?"

"Yes. Yes, I do that often, don't I? I DO tend to bring the conversation around to myself often. I wonder why that is? What do you think?"

FBNOML says, "Well done, Mom. Nicely played."

Thankyouthankyouverymuch.