Sigh.

Remember FBNOML? I haven't talked about her much recently...mostly because as she's twenty years-old, I kinda I figure I owe her some privacy. FBNOML is my first born; although I didn't meet her until she was six. She is my daughter from my husband's first marriage but there is nothing step about our relationship...we have such a tight bond that sometimes WE can't believe we aren't related biologically. We understand each other so well that it's borderline scary. We can and do have lengthy conversations merely by locking eyes. It freaks my husband out. FBNOML and I just laugh. She's amazing.

She'd been going through a lot of stuff this past summer, facing big decisions. No, not just big, but HUGE life-altering decisions. It is so hard to watch your kids struggle and be unable to fix things for them. For her, gone are the days when a kiss on a boo-boo and some snuggle time can make it all better (although, sometimes, that's what a mom NEEDS to do...she lets me. I told you she's amazing).

Some of her choices went against my best judgment, other times they broke my heart, usually I was in total agreement, but always I was proud. One of her decisions took her across the country; she's going to a university in another state, living with relatives, repairing some relationships. It's been difficult, to say the least, not having her around, but she was right. She made the right decisions. Every last one of them. To say I am proud is such a gross understatement it's comical.

She just spent a week staying with us; early this afternoon my husband drove her to the airport. My four year-old daughter was sobbing because her big sister was leaving; I was barely keeping it together. My son went in the other room and began to play Pink Panther on the piano.

Ugh.

I miss her already.